The Challenge for all ages

There is really two important questions we all are constantly swirling around that haunt us because the answer to them often change depending on the circumstances of are lives. Is there a God and does true love actually exist. The first one is a lot easier to answer because if we want we can deal with it in the abstract which i don't recommend because the real answer to that question lies in the soul of all men and women. It is actually as personal and intimate as the second question, Both of them the answer is yes, but we will never really enjoy a heartfelt communion on any real level by dipping our toes in the water. The kicker of it all is that we have to abandon all measure of self will and self control. sadly this proposition is likely enough to make sure you don't ever ask these questions correctly so you don't have to be accountable for the consequences of the choices you make. I understand we live in a trade off world were we risk little live in some bullshit agreement that you do for me and i will do for you. Yes inter mingled is some altruistic moment and maybe a deep abiding love but we hold back reveal only enough under the general wisdom that some how we should put a premium price on our safety, which is the stupidest thing ever because we reveal enough to be devastated but not enough to achieve what it is our heart longs for or we because of certain self esteem issues find are selves in a situation that only further reinforces our poor view because no matter how much we love them they are unwilling or incapable to receive or return it and took matters worse we may stay way too long looking for a payoff that will never come. The sad conclusion of course is we are unlovable we shrink and retreat cover ourselves up because the real me is so despicable that if i am just myself all will run away in horror at what they see. Logically we all can dismiss this notion but our heart often tells a different story we even begin to analyze and evaluate are selves to be the crazy ones so we push this overriding life changing urge to have more real deep inside of us, i know i did what a horrible lonely existence some of you might have been more successful and this slight of hand i always knew were the bean was i was never really free from the turmoil of my tortured soul there was no escape from it finally i thought my life was just going to be unfulfilled and shallow. My cry's unheard and my heart would remain forever broken. My initial question provided the freedom that my heart so desired One could not exist without the other the road to real real redemption requires nothing and everything at the same time. honesty and transparency became my new way of life and as my Dad has told me which some of you might find objectionable is i first had to love myself, not that kind of conceited love many think of but rather i had to accept all of me the good the bad and the ugly, OK watch the wise cracks. If i have nothing to hide and have no need to defend myself then the journey begins and all the other entries of this blog describe the most incredible learning and loving experience of my life. Whether you believe me or not but i now know what unconditional love is for the very first time oh sure our kids have always given us this beautiful perspective but on a romantic level i now know it very well and even though my princess Shawnie is still in jail for another nine and half months we have watch God build some thing amazing, this is were some of you who are of a christian faith will quickly quote scriptures that would clearly admonish me for leaving my wife and heading down the path i am on. I understand and a year ago i would have been right with casting the stones, but it is so undeniable on so many different levels that the hand of god is upon me and the holy spirit has become my nearly constant companion. Read the other entries of my blog trust your heart and don't dismiss me as some hopeless romantic. i think that we are made in the likeness of God and the capacity of Love we have can be so much greater than we ever imagined. God Bless you all