Well a month in and i finally was able to see and respond to god as my only reliable and true source of strength and comfort. God quietly told me to quit talking and just trust him. At this point i had been raging in desperation in full panic mode for over a month and in quite a distracted mode because of the upcoming sentencing for quite a bit longer. As a result my job performance had suffered greatly i even got a one day suspension because of quality and the week before took a week's vacation to clear my head and during that week i was exhausted every day until Wednesday. After all this when i finally returned to work for the first time in many months i felt present and productive. Kinda like " I'm Back" so i thought every day i showed up with a new sense of freedom and peace, all God given. things did feel like this dark cloud had been lifted and all was going to be ok again, and lord knows we all needed for me to still work. Well one day just like any other day except my usual assistant had the day off but the day shift assistant stayed over and the graveyard assistant came in early. right at shift change for them we switched from a two color job to a one color job, as is customary you wash up the now unused down and then open the two rollers that the ink was flowing through. To this day i remember vividly doing that but later on Graveyard they found the two rollers together and a brand new rubber roll was destroyed. Backtracking a little a few days before we had a plant wide meeting and they described the wholeful state of our company we had lost over a third of are business recently, and they keep rolling out the " talk is cheap" approach as i call it and typically if only we could do more better all would be well. i have worked in over five different box plants and have over twenty years expierence, so when i say this is by far the worst trust me it is. So in this meeting i could not keep my big mouth shut and rather passionately held there feet to the fire, at one point my plant manager shot back with a personal jab. It is what it is. God please give me insight and wisdom when to keep my mouth shut. then the unfortunate mishap on my machine and two days later they called me in on this matter which was not good, and to make matters worse my union representative hated my guts and had not talked to me in months, he was actually my assistant at one point and we had worked together for about a year, we all filed into this room five of us and my worst nightmare all of them were lined up against me. they told me i would be getting a five day suspension and when i returned the would decide if i still had a job. Afterwards after a private meeting it was told to me in fact when i returned i would not have a job. wow hit me right were it hurts. in spite of the gravity of the situation i left very calmly. on my way home i examined myself because normally i would be freaking out so i must be crazy. when i got home my biggest concern was telling Shawnie because in the past whenever i had lost a job it was the end of the world and eventually became my fault. and even though in every way possible i knew that shawnie was so different this was not a bridge i ever wanted to cross with her, but if i did not there would have always been in the back of my mind that part of the reason she was with me was because i had worth because i had a job. it's two thirty in the afternoon and out of the blue she calls . so i swallow my pride and tell her what happened and to my amazement all she was concerned about was me and how i was doing. no mention at all about how this might afect her. Wow true unconditional love i was literally transformed in that instant. all lingering doubts and fears about how Shawnie felt about me in that moment we erased. She even called back later that night to check up on me. I got to go visit her the next day, never once did she mention how this might impact her. As we were talking at the jail i looked at her and told her i would find another job real soon. she looked me lovingly and confidently right in the eyes and said" i know you will" you can't imagine how i felt. this turned out to be an amazing week. I got to go see an author that meant alot to me. i got to go see my Dad. and then the miracle. Tuesday i was told i had no job. Thursday work called and told me they just had a big layoff and they neede to talk to me. here we go an easy way to give me a graceful exit. we arranged to meet on Friday. So i went in on Friday and was told even though i would not be returning in my old position i would still have a job. I believe Satan through his best shot at me and i did not respond in fear, he had to release me. I found out later my supervisor with little regard for his own status made them do the right thing. my angel anyways. Shawnie also was trying to be captured by the evil one as she heard that Kobe's dad was now harassing her family wanting to get Kobe. This is her absolute worst fear. she called me crying and in a panic, since my own job miracle i knew that in spite of all that we could see the lord had our back. I told her i knew it would all be ok. She spent a whole day engulfed in this fear, but God graciously brought her a book that opened her eyes and brought her back to the truth. last week i recieved some great letters from her one was so beautiful as it described in our intimate time together how we would not have to say asingle word but could communicte everything. i saw her on Sunday she tearfully shared how she lovingly got the chance to bring her roomate to the Lord. We in unision knew and rest in the knowledge and truth that Love indeed always win. Two months after her going away in spite of this hardship we are closer and on more solid footing than ever before. explain that. God is truly amazing if you have the courage to believe.