after that meeting i think it was that meeting maybe not but soon afterward i was outside after the meeting usually people hang around they call it the meeting after the meeting four of us started chatting Shawnie this gal bobbi my ex brother in law Jimmy and i and for whatever reason in this small group even though we all had not really known each other a frankness and honesty unfolded and nothing was off limits and eventually the topic as you might expect became quite unexpectedly of a sexual content and everyone was completely honest about everything it really was quite amazing. that was i begin to discover that there was so much more to Shawnie than i first realized. my first impression was that she was actually shy i was so wrong. well i wont divulge all the details but let just say that our our first date was very physical in nature. a lot of fun but was telling about this was that even though we had just met we spent all day together . and much of the time we quietly spent much of are time in silence with me just tickling her bare back and what i noticed was that it was easy to be with her my head was not racing i did not want to escape it was so nice no regrets no remorse. after this fun interlude life did not allow us to spend any time together but we started talking on the phone and texting a lot and of course we really began to consider ther might possibly have something more that we started to explore that. really an important crossroads showed what do we do and how do i feel. the easy choice is too soon to early i could run away in my justifiable fear, but i really wanted to be honest and transparent so in one moment i decided to be honest and shared my heart indeed was already involved, and when i looked back later i was in love. anyway withsome fear and trepidation we started asking all the tough questions. i had a fifteen year old son and she had a four year old it would not be fair to them if we were not serious enough, before our second date we decided that at least very open to a forever thing. we also needed to consider and likely expect that she was going away for an extended period of time. an age difference too i was forty nine she was thirty seven. also i had been sober twenty seven years and she barely over a month. In AA there is unwritten rule not to date for the first year and the likelihood i would be labeled a thirteenth stepper which is some one who just takes advantage of someone else just for sex, but to this day i don't know who 13th stepped who, but really our biggest concern and discussion was about the real welfare of our boys hours upon hours we talked. and to this day now hundreds of hours we talked about them and wow i also realized that this little princess was a great communicator and we could talk forever and ever something that i had never had with any female in my life. I may have been done already but i was then as my love deepened.