i am writing these last few entries in succession because i think if i stop i might not finish and so much important stuff still lies ahead. it was already arranged that if the worse case scenario happened Kobe was going to live with Shawnie's sister Dene and her brother-in-law Joe, which had been so faithfully clinging to the hope this would never happen we did not really prepare very well at all for this outcome, so it was agreed that some time Sunday the three of us would talk. the two of them were really busy with some wedding plans for Dene's daughter Amanda's wedding so i had Kobe that whole first weekend. so after my first visit with Shawnie and Kobe we went home and went to the park and played some baseball which he always enjoyed and i let him ride on my shoulders as we walked and talked about how much we missed his Mommy another of his favorite activities and he always asked how high was he. I am surprised i have not mentioned this before but Shawnie and him had this routine every morning were she would look at him and ask " you didn't" and we would always answer " what" as he drew in closer to her with this small smile as he contorted his body in anticipation of what was to come next. Shawnie proceeded to start tickling him and squealing in glee as she said " yes, yes you did, you got in that handsome line again " she would pause for an instant and then say" yes, yes you are more handsome than the day before" and also say" why, why you are so handsome you need to let all the other boys get in the line too" this was repeated every single morning and i promised Shawnie that i would do by best imitation of this beautiful mother and son ritual as i could so that Sunday morning before we went to see his Mom and before he knew were she was i gave it my best shot and he gleefully enjoyed every second of it, but when we were done i had to turn away because there was tears rolling down my face knowing all well he would only get for some time was this impostor and not his mommy. So i did my very best to provide Kobe with all our usual routines that weekend, i stayed strong and actually having Kobe around always helped because i saw my beautiful Princess all over her little angel. Even though we had not made any real arrangements for Kobe it was discussed that i would likely have Kobe every morning since Dene worked graveyard and would need to get some sleep, so i eagerly anticipated Kobe and i playing all the Kobeism as we called them and i could keep my promise to Shawnie to take care of our precious cargo. So without much thought of this conversation that we were all going to have about Kobe i brought him over to Dene and Joe's. we all sat down and it dawned on me that there existed a degree of tension and defensiveness in the room. unbelievably the outlined to me that they thought the best thing for Kobe did not include me. I was stunned i really tried hard to be understanding, i shared what a great boy Kobe had become and how he actually desires do the right thing and how Shawnie worked to accomplish this and how Nobody knows Kobe as well as I do except his Mom, Man it was so dvastating to me i would not be able to keep my promise to Shawnie. I was crushed this little boy who calls me Dad along with his Mom who it was clear to me the Love of my Life both torn from me in a matter of three days. the two of them looked at me so coldly and gave no ground to my requests at all. At one point near the end Joe stated " i guess this is were your faith gets tested. i started to get up because i could not stop the tears from flowing or my voice from cracking, my shoulders slumped and i started to leave, Joe was in front of me and looked at me closely and asked me somewhat compassionately for the first time " you alright" and i looked up at him with my eyes full of tears and my voice cracking" No, No i am not" and i left. The events of this weekend were so surreal i could not believe that i would be able to walk through this, i felt so very alone that day. but no matter what i knew that it did not even compare to what my princess must be going through.