Shawnie and i began to spend more time together and every other weekend Kobe went to see is Dad, in the midst of all this other drama with these other cases that Shawnie was facing Kobe's dad filed for custody which at the time seemed like piling on to her already huge and overwhelming set of circumstances. So even though Kobe's dad had not really showed any interest for awhile he started getting ever other weekend with Kobe. these weekends even though they included a bit of concern for Kobe's welfare because his dad was a real piece of work and almost invariably if Shawnie and him talked he would use this opportunity to bash her verbally in some way, we would have two days for just us lazy days and long nights endless conversations and all the pleasures two people could have and such a freedom to just be ourselves uninhibited no agenda no control no expectations really a beautiful thing and something that i had never experienced before. our lives were still real busy she lived with her sister and brother-in- law and with kobe and meetings she stayed busy and i had my busy work schedule and my son Bryan, but grew closer and closer. when we could we all started going places together and Shawnie used to hold and caress my hand as we drove and when she did i could barely talk and her and Bryan would always joke about my driving and to be honest i was at times a danger to everyone in my path, i was so completely hers and she did have me at hello and her touch would rocket me into an area were no one had ever been and still does to this day. my birthday was comming up fast in the first part of December and it was a milestone birthday the five ohh, yep fifty. i really had know real expectations Shawnie and i had only been going out a short while it was the christmas season a card and a great hug would have been great, but little did i know but shawnie had been planning something special for some time already. i had my first bout of jealousy and fear as i conjured up in my mind that she still carrying a torch for kobe's dad. the mind can be very dangerous when i latches on to ill conceived thoughts. she was a little perturbed and frustrated but we did come to a peaceful parting that day, i did not know this at the time but her whole day had been devoted to planning for my party, later i was a little more than embarrassed when i found out how far from the mark i was. Shawnie and I attended a Christmas party with her sister and brother-in-law and afterwards we had one of our nights without kobe i fully expected her to spend the night with me but Shawnwie said she had so much to do that she had to go home instead. i am sure i was a little more than disappointed but not the end of the world. she told me the next day they were having this lunch for something and i was invited it was a her house cool any excuse to see her more and i was in. i remember that i could not get there on time because i had to wait until Bryan got off work, but she said no problem and when we finally arrived Surprise she had a party for me she had invited everyone i knew including my ex-wife who did not attend but my brother-in-law jimmy and his sons came and most of her extended family too. i can not express how moved and touched i was i am usually a very out-going and gregarious person but that day i did not say much. i was near tears of gratitude all day i could not believe anyone had done this for me, and you see Shawnie was on public assistance she received only a few hundred dollars and some food allotment and it was very clear to me with the amount of food and gifts that i got that she had sacrificed it all on behalf. she had laid it all on the line for me. i guess i have been searching for this all my life, but i was know convinced there was something fundamentally flawed with me and know one could ever love me this way. Thank God i was wrong